mostly free because in the last 200 years america has come a long ways from no plans no problem. one town wants helmets on the soccer field. >> i'm calling it a spiritual awakening. >> is it a spiritual awakening to sell boys vacuum cleaners. >> if that's what speaks to them. >> how strict should you be? >> your daughters were not allowed to have a sleepover, be in a school play complain about not being in the play. >> hold yourself to a higher standard. >> how do we teach kids to
resist temptations. >> this girl is hyperventilating. >> finally these kids play without supervision. >> it's no fun being by yourself. >> for the next hour we offer some better ways to help your kids grow up. >> every child in there is being watched by an adult. i understand why we want to keep them safe. but what's going on over there in chicago? >> these kids' parents decided their kids should be allowed to do more on their own. so the kids go to this playground by themselves. >> parents should let kids do this. >> they look out for each other. >> are you okay? >> without parents bossing them around they quickly organize their own lives. >> it's so fun just being by
yourself and being trusted by your friends. >> but what if something happens? >> how quickly danger can strike. a child being stalked by a predator. >> we hear about cruel playground bullying. accidents, kids getting lost and above all adults preying on kids. >> 750,000 registered sex offenders and they could be living next door to you. >> 24/7 you can turn on tv and see a kid being kidnapped murdered. >> this is a mom who is fed up with the way that tv scares parents. >> we are at a 50-year low in crime. and people are so concerned that that can't possibly be -- >> they don't believe it. >> they don't. or they say of course there's less crime because we're holding them so tight. but there is less crime against grown women and men and pets, cars. you know there's just less
crime. you must accept it but nobody does. >> she pushes the idea of free-range kids. like free-range chickens? >> we realize is this a life? it's just not fair. they couldn't even move their wings. free-range parents is a rejection of the idea that your kids can't do anything on their own. >> this group of chicago kids called themselves the free-range kids club. >> it's a good break from your parents to be with your friends and chill out and not have to worry about how much yogurt you eat. >> if kids don't try -- >> they can't learn social skills. they can't learn team skills or working together skills when they are always supervised. that was the impetus to start the club. >> these parents let their kids roam. >> the first outing we had five or six kids and by the end it
was like 12 or 14. they were a pack of kids roaming the neighborhood. >> were they scared to go out on their own? >> the only thing i was scared of is i would be embarrassed if someone would ask where my parents were. >> the fact that they were by themselves upset a security guard at the library. >> she would follows. if we went up stairs we went up stairs. >> it was bizarre that there were children in the library checking out books. >> at first the kids just had fun. but now they say by doing this, they gain something. >> you get trust from your parents. >> yeah. >> these kids take pride in running adult-like errands. my parents will be like we're running late can you pick up the dry cleaning? >> it's free-range for our children. let them play freely. >> this family therapy persist is appalled. >> drink the kool-aid.
why do we have to rush kids into being mini-adults. >> because they learn. and many want to. >> oh, they -- >> you know what i want to smoke and drive your car. oh free-range. okay, you want to do that, go. do whatever you want. >> there are still real-life pedophiles out there. how about the eight-year-old boy who said can i walk home from camp. the parents think it's a safe area. he can ask for help and he asked somebody for help a lovely man. what did that man do? he chopped him up. >> you cite the extreme incidents. >> of course. >> crime is down. >> i do cite the extreme incidents. but do you want to gamble with your child? i wouldn't want to gamble with my child. >> would you let a nine-year-old take the subway alone? >> lenore let her son ride the
subway. >> with bullies and worse. >> why at nine years old? bad stuff does happen. >> if i thought he was in a dangerous situation i wouldn't have done it. it was his idea. it was not us who said we're going to put you on the subway and make a man out of you. it was mom and dad, can i please take the subway home from some place. >> take the j train two blocks up and one over. >> this tv show was quick to portray her choices reckless. >> the construction site where he was recovered is where he was killed. >> that can happen. but seven years later, lenore's son is still alive. he is 16 and proud that his mom let him grow. >> were you scared? >> not at all. i had done it before with my parents. it was fun. i know how to get around. i'm confident in myself. >> but you free-range parents
better watch out. >> a mother from florida faces five years in prison for letting her seven-year-old son walk to the park alone. >> i didn't think i was doing anything wrong. >> and this woman was arrested because she let her kids right in front of her house. a neighbor had told the police the kids were unsupervised. but their mom was watching. >> if you had looked, you would have seen me. i was visible. >> simon arthur brought his son to a car show. but he didn't want to say. >> i was bored and hot and wanted to walk home. >> we walked to the shopping mall before there are police stations the whole way. i said all right, walk home. >> i wouldn't scared. >> i read about the abductions. >> you can be hit by lightning or struck by a meter too. >> i wasn't near a car and the cop asked where are my parents? >> the child lived a mile from
this location. it's a great distance for a seven-year-old to travel without water or any nourishment around with him. we charged mr. arthur with reckless conduct. >> they put me in the back of the police car. >> this raises the question, who's child is it? the parents or the state's we want kids protected from abuse but don't parents get to decide if their own kids are mature enough to walk home on their own? >> to think that a child let alone parents sometimes make really good judgments when they are in a situation that they cannot predict? >> that's how they learn good judgments. >> if a child is not at the age where they can supervisore another they should not be supervising themselves. you can get money from parents
by making them nervous. >> this company sells tracking devices. >> if they go outside the boundary you will receive a text alert. >> reporter: the device is locked on to your child. >> making it hard for the kids or strangers to take the band off. >> you can get tooth prints which is an impression you give your child and they bite into it and then you have a dental impression of your child that you can keep for when they find the body and it is mangled beyond recognition. >> the perception of the risk is messed up. if you are concerned about risk don't put your kid in a car. >> driving is more dangerous so are swimming pools. >> the risk is greater if you do not raise your children to be independent and make decisions on their own. >> the free-range kids climb trees. >> a lot of parents think i'm crazy. she might break her arm. >> she might. but on their own kids learn to -- >> it makes you stronger in a
way that is very valuable. i feel. >> if the parent is there saying that branch can't support your foot it's not as valuable as the experience of putting the foot on the branch feeling it i'm not sure and pulling her foot back. >> what if the kid hurts themselves, they know not to do that the next time. >> even if you are a free-range parent you still care just as much about your children. >> amy graft writes the mommy files for the san francisco chronicle. >> parents fear that the children not going to make good choices. when you children freedom they make better choices. >> what about the risk? >> the risk is so low. >> i used to be kind of afraid. then i realized there's not much to be really scared of. >> some kids have none of these experiences or even basic responsibility. this mom will not let her ten-year-old hold a knife.
>> i cut up all his meat for him. >> i don't need it cut. i'm not going to choke on it. >> it's too huge. >> the boy finally used a knife because he was a guest on lenore's tv show. >> oh, my god, what is he doing? >> there is an assumption that any time a child is unsupervised they are in danger. she can make pancakes better than i can. i let her run loose in the kitchen. >> paris's friends envy her experience. >> what do they say? >> that sounds so fun. >> and the free-range kids say they are more confident doing it. >> you can never get lost if you know where everything is. >> and all of them said -- >> i like being a free-range kid. >> i like being a free-range adult. coming up the tiger moms and the most important thing your kids need to succeed. >> if
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>> what is wussy about kindness? >> jen says what critics call wussification is just fine. >> if those are the qualifications of a wuss jesus was the biggest wuss of our time. >> youth soccer leagues may require helmets. >> so what? if anything happened to my kid on the soccer field i couldn't live with myself. >> it's a spiritual awakening. a move to protect our kids from dangers like this motorcyclist. he takes his hands off the handlebars and lets his six-year-old steer. i like risk taking but this makes me cringe. the boy doesn't even wear
protective clothing. over people object to what this father does. >> you think you got what it takes? >> gavin mcginness posted this video titled how to fight a baby. >> 13 million people have watched this. it's not that funny. >> it must have struck a chord. when they see people whipping their kid around they go that's what i do. children benefit from roughhousing. you are physically bonding with your child. and i can see them benefit from this. >> when you tell them to be scared and don't roughhouse and stand back and don't touch, you create an environment of fear. >> i don't find this funny. >> some experts were quick to call gavin a bad parent. >> shaken bean syndrome happens exactly like this. >> gavin put his hands around
the baby's neck. >> just because something can arguably lead to something serious doesn't mean we have to avoid it. living that kind of life where you say achoid this and avoid that, you are teaching a child to be scared of the universe. >> a kid broke his leg in a tree, people demanded the trees be cut down. >> what is wrong with a broken leg? it's six weeks. >> my heart swells with pride that my kid has a cast on. >> we are kids we want to protect them. >> that's true of babies. when they are little people you have to teach them about the real world. if you don't, reality will. >> but now we protect older kids from disappointment by giving every child a trophy. >> proud of him. >> when i was a kid trophies had meaning. you got one if you were good at
something. but these days kids get trophies for participating. in my kid's soccer league everybody got a trophy. >> i'm sorry. >> and they seemed happy. >> ashley argues that giving everyone a prize is bad for kids. >> it's good to praise kids. >> the research has found the opposite. when kids are told they're wonderful, they are worried that the next time they try something they'll screw up. >> 40 years ago the trendy idea was self esteem. california started a self esteem task force. the first agenda make sure everyone on the committee feels good about themselves. the self esteem movement was influential. parents were told, avoid competition. competition's bad. but now the research is. in boosting self esteem may be counterproductive. it does not improve academic
performance. >> kids with low self esteem who get overinflated praise are more reticent to try things in the future. they avoid challenges. >> she says that's why trophies for all is a bad idea. >> i've heard of trophies who got so upset about getting participation trophies they dumped them in the trash can. >> because they knew that participation trophies were -- >> they were insulted. he knows that was pity and it's embarrassing to him. >> what about the self esteem of the kid that is not as good. >> that hurts. >> you're not as handsome as brad pitt or as intelligent as that dude who can two pi to 3,000 decimal places. accept that and move on. >> parents tell me well my kid went to practice every week. they didn't go to practice every week. you drove them.
right? >> of course makers of trophies want kids to get more trophies. >> there is a trophy industrial complex and then i found out it's a 3 billion dollar a year trophy. >> the trophy industrial complex. and that's what it is. they have lobbyist like the awards and recognition association that say things like -- >> we have to encourage parents to buy trophies every time the kid reads a book. >> then the trophy doesn't mean anything. >> we don't know what it means to the child. >> she has a trophy she got when she was a kid. >> what does this mean to you? >> it meant i showed up and i finished something and accomplished something and it said i was funny john. >> strike three, you're out of there. >> sounds like this movie where billy crystal can't believe the way his grandkids are being protected. >> time. >> it's okay. this is my dad and he's new
here. >> there are no outs in this game. >> no outs. how do you know who is winning? >> we don't keep score. every game ends in a tie. >> many kids sports leagues ban keeping score. >> the kids keep score secretly anyway. >> it's not a secret. by four or five they know who is the best reader in the class, who is the best athlete, who is the best drawing. they know about differences in ability and it's confusing when we pretend there aren't any. >> billy crystal tells his grandson to color between the lines. >> what's the point of having lines if you're just going -- that's beautiful. that's absolutely beautiful. >> picasso. >> exactly. >> i don't see why kids must color in the lines but what does calling him picasso do to kids?
studies show that american kids have high self esteem. they rank number one in self esteem by 27th in performance. american kids think they're doing so well but they are doing badly. >> acknowledge what they did do well. what about the kid that is bad, the one who gave it a good shot and wasn't good and they know it. >> you don't give them a trophy. >> a ribbon. maybe the person who deserves the ribbon the least needs it the most. we're talking about kids. you know? >> there's nothing better for a kid than to learn how to lose. that's what childhood is all about. making mistakes, learning to lose learning to fail and then i hope succeed. next parents who push gender
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michael looks like a boy's boy but his mom says -- >> he loves to draw. he loves music. >> michael eagle mom and their friends make an effort to parent their kids in a gender neutral way. >> among my friends i don't think that anyone would say they're not gender neutral. >> we offer dolls along with the trucks and balls. >> we asked the boys. >> do you like dolls? >> stuffed animals. >> some families give their kids gender neutral names so their kids can make up their own mind. >> their baby's name is storm. >> there is gender free transgender, more? >> we have gender fluid creative independent. >> education professor elizabeth meyers teaches teachers don't
treat kids like boys or girls. >> he asks us am i a boy or a girl and i ask do you feel more like a boy or a girl. and he says i feel like a boy. so we're going to call you a boy? >> how is this working out? >> he said this playground is for everybody, boys can play, girls can play, transgender kids and boys who don't feel like a boys or girls can play. >> he sounds like he's living propaganda. >> it's a great mistake that others are making is the notion that in order to ensure equal opportunity we have to put our heads in the sand and pretend that gender doesn't matter. >> she asked her son do you feel more like a boy or girl? she says this is how gender should be established. >> the unintended message is
that the grown ups are on another planet. they have no idea what actually matters to us. the result is gender confused kids. >> isn't this confusing for the kids? >> absolutely not. they know who they are. >> assuming, she says they are not manipulated by our sexist society. >> media messages, movies. >> he likes her. >> what our parents taught us. we internalize these norms and think it's how it should be. it's not something that is biological. >> it is biological. most boys like the more active violent sports. >> there are average tendencies. but that doesn't mean most. >> aren't most boys different from most girls? >> i would disagree. >> i once believed that but then i had kids. my wife didn't allow my son to have toy guns.
he made carrots into guns. >> it's true. my son makes everything into guns. >> if the son jumps up from behind the coach and the mom reprimands him and says i love you but i wish you wouldn't into the violence the relate is not a generation of boys who boys who are look to the internet and getting their identities of masculinity from that. >> which is probably not a good thing given what is on the internet. to reduce the influence of sexist culture, sweden pushes toy ads that are gender future rall. girls play with guns and boys iron clothes. boys want to vacuum and iron. >> if that's what speaks to them. >> abby lynn is proposing to make single stall restrooms gender neutral. >> the latest trend is to get
rid of the boy/girl label. but most people are not gender neutral. >> what happens when you ask boys to draw what they want. girls draw people, pets, flowers, tree. the people have eyes, mouth, hair, and clothes. >> this test has been done in america, africa, thailand japan. here's a japanese girl's pictures and an american girl. >> but the great majority of boys are drawing something different. they are drawing a scene of action a bunch of squig also because it's action. >> maybe they have been exposed to sexist parents. >> that's what i learned when i was earning my ph.d. in psychological 30 years ago. and then researchers got the idea of giving the same choice to monkeys. we have three studies now human chimp or monkey, the males want
to play with the truck. and the girls prefer to play with the plush doll. these differences are clearly hard-wired not socially constructed. they are found in four primate species. >> but these people say it's exaggerated. >> some of it is anti-science propaganda. >> gender differences are quite small. >> all social it's not biological innate? >> some people feel these approaches are extreme because they are uncomfortable with them. it shakes their world view. >> yeah it shakes mine because i think it's mostly wrong. next, the woman who says more moms should be as tough as my mom was. and for that people say things like -- >> sh ♪ (music plays throughout) ♪ the pursuit of healthier. it begins from the second we're born. after all, healthier doesn't happen all by itself.
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a parenting book that freaked out a lot of people. they were upset about the woman who called herself tiger mom. >> her strict parenting methods are causing a controversy. >> because of her strict rule. >> your daughters were not allowed to attend a sleep over have a play date be in a school date, complain about not being in the play. watch tv or play computer games. >> right. >> this seems mean. >> i don't think so at all. i think the message is, you know, i believe in you. you are capable of so much more than you realize. and if you stop whining and don't give up and don't make excuses you can do anything you want in your life. >> to teach her daughters that she forced them to practice violin and piano for hours. >> kids have to practice two, three, four, five hours a day. and i think for a lot of normal american parents that's
inconceivable. >> her kids excel. here they are at ages 11 and 14 performing at grown-up concert. one daughter excelled in tennis and at cool the other made valedictorian. but the tiger mom's book got a lot of criticism. she doesn't let kids make their own decisions. >> a manual for parents who want to weed out any genuine interest or passion for life. >> you give the child a clarinet and jazz pops out or you give a child a piece of paper and string theory will come out. but before you can invent the theory of relativity. you is to multiply. >> where is childhood. >> we want our children to be happy but it's not the secret of happiness to do whatever they want. >> you called your daughter
garbage once. >> i mentioned this at a dinner party and several people walked out. >> you are destroying your child's spirit. >> to me the message is i think you are better than that and should hold yourself to a higher standard. and parents these days are so terrified of making their children feel bad. >> yes maybe for good reason. everyone knows asians are more likely to commit suicide. except what everyone knows is wrong. >> asian americans have among the lowest suicide rates of any group. >> it's true. the asian suicide rate is half that of the general population. maybe tiger moms are better at instilling self esteem. >> you can tell your child you're amazing all you want but it does not inspire true self confidence. >> asian parents are more likely to be tiger moms and that's why asian americans have better
grades and have higher incomes. amy and her husband argue any parent can do it but certain immigrant groups, jews, cubans, nigeriians and others are more likely to instill values in kids that lead to success. >> tiger mom is back with a theory about racial superiority. >> she is the worst person ever born. >> it's not race and genetic. we say the opposite. if you look at america, the most successful group include all races. >> please welcome -- >> nigerian americans are amazing examples. less than 1% of america's black population, they made up of a quarter of harvard business school's black students. it's something about culture and how they are raised. >> you know the secret of
success. >> the first is a sense of exceptionality. the second element which is a dash of insecurity. i am not quite good enough yet. i shouldn't sit back. >> it's contradictory. >> steve jobs had a superior complex but all his friends also described him as deeply insecure. i think that's what creates this chip on the shoulder, this goading feeling like i need to show everybody and prove myself. the third element is impulse control. >> can your child sit still and concentrate on things that won't bring rewards for years? >> chinese immigrant parents force their preschool children to do one hour a day on a focused activity reading drawing, something with no distractions. one hour a day compared to six minutes a day for americans on
average. >> but does this obedient sitting and drilling kill the creativity that leads to innovation the american tech entrepreneurs, many are college dropouts, not studious kids raised by tiger moms. >> i look at the innovation in america, facebook and google. these are not kids drilled or raised by tiger moms. you are programming the kids. >> you know, actually if you look at silicon valley a hugely disproportionate percentage of the innovators and startup founders are immigrants and immigrant children. >> the co-founder of google, youtube and yahoo. >> it's the parents' job to give them the tools and the ability to focus on something so when they can find their passion they can do something with it. >> you had nasty fights with the girls. >> incredibly nasty especially
with my younger daughter. she refused to do it and was stomping off and i said get back to the piano and i said maybe she just can't do it. and i said you just don't believe in her. i'm going to do this. we drilled and we drilled and it wasn't that pleasant. but then suddenly after an hour and a half her two hands came together. she realized it at the same time i did and after that he refused to leave the piano. and years afterwards she told me i remember that moment. and i think that's a life lesson that lasts forever. i think that's how you instill real confidence. >> your daughters like you? >> i think they love me. >> they say thanks i'm ♪ it's a calling.
really good. >> can he stand to wait to eat it? this is an experiment that's been tried in many forms with many kids. but the idea is always the same. test whether a child will eat the candy now or get twice as much if he can wait 15 minutes. as you see here most kids can not wait. only about a third were able to delay. often distracting themselves by looking away. but about a third were able to wait 15 minutes. >> how did you do? >> and earn the extra candy. >> you want to eat it. but i told you i would give you another one. >> the first group of kids who took this test 40 years ago were followed and tested years later. the kids who didn't eat marshmallows had s.a.t. scores 200 points higher. the kids who delayed gratification at this age do
susan merrill runs the parenting website ima. >> when you want something, you save up for it. >> you want to buy something, it's yours. >> seeing money in the jars reminded them to wait. >> it's really good to see that money grow. they get into it how much have you saved, i've saved this money money. >> it doesn't need to be money. >> prizes praise. >> when her kids wanted it, they could have it but only after doing something that was hard for them. >> megan wanted a doll. megan, three days staying dry and boom, you could have. >> she could look at the doll -- >> but she couldn't have it.
>> what if the child demands a doll now. it's important to not give in to a tantrum. this commercial shows it. this kid wants a bag of chips now. instead of giving in, mom intaet imitates him. >> she looks at him no. >> what's the moral. >> you really can work with your kids. i think sometimes parents are too busy to be consistent or they are too fearful that their child will not like them. >> also. >> lead by example. see how they behave. you have to teach a child to save for a rainy day. kids have to see you do whatever you want them to do. >> finally kids will only learn to wait if they see that
delaying gratification leads to something good. do what they say. if parents don't keep promises, kids are less likely to wait for a reward. >> in this research of the marshmallow test. >> researchers broke their promise. >> listen i'm so sorry but i don't have that big set of art surprise that i told you about. >> once the promise was broken kids were much more likely to eat the mallows. his trust in the adult message if you delay gratification you'll get something better, was broken. >> if the parent is not consistent, then the child will not trust that they will get what is promised. we do this as moms all the time. mom will you come play with me. in a minute. we're teaching our children that we don't always mean what they
say. >> the bottom line, tell kids the truth, teach them the benefits of waiting when they are young. and reward them when they do wait. coming up, if you are tough new york state is reinventing how we do business by leading the way on tax cuts. we cut the rates on personal income taxes. we enacted the lowest corporate tax rate since 1968. we eliminated the income tax on manufacturers altogether. with startup-ny, qualified businesses that start, expand or relocate to new york state pay no taxes for 10 years. all to grow our economy and create jobs. see how new york can give your business the opportunity to grow at ny.gov/business
will totally tiger mom my kids. >> her younger sister was a little bit less enthusiastic. being pulled out to practice hours a day but looking back, i couldn't be happier. she just began her freshman year at harvard. her older sister goes here too. >> i love being raised by my mom. sophia plans to join the military. she already meets the army's basic standards but she wants to get the to have score so she works out often. >> as a girl it's important to not just meet the standard but to kind of exceed it. >> kids raised by regular parents she says don't have the drive. >> going to college was just seeing how many amazing brilliant people would encounter an obstacle and be like you know i can't do this. i can't do this is genuinely a feeling that i've never had.
i have what it takes to do absolutely anything. >> most of us hope our kids have that feeling. some of it exists in human nature if we adults don't crush it. as these commercials exist, maybe they want to test they try and try again. many parents want to protect them from falling. protection has a downside. >> when you create an environment free of risks, what you're doing is leaveing a child vulnerable. >> being able to fall and recover is useful in life. work with young people today. when they hit conflict they have a meltdown. >> because they've been protect protected as babies? >> yes. >> if you fire someone who is 22 today, it is not unusual for her or him to trash the place screaming and then have their parents call. they've been pampered their whole lives. the sad reality, you get slapped
in the face all the time. you've got to get tough. >> not too tough but enough freedom to let them learn on their own helps them grow up. that's our show. thanks for watching. >> what does it take to police america? >> they're banging and screaming on the door. >> he's standing over me with an assault rifle. >> now some americans are mad and pushing back against authority. >> what are you placeing me under arrest for? >> some are upset the government spyies on us. >> what you do on your cell phone is none of their damn business. >> i can't understand what rand paul is yelling about. >> today, after all, any can spy on any. >> that was pretty cool until he started taking pictures of my wife over there. >> i could do it if i could just control the drone. the pri